Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
