So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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