I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
