Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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