well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
