you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
