did you get engaged???
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
