did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
