my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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