Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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