Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
