Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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