I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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