I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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