Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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