Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
