The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
