I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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