how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
