you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize