you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
