hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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