I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
