i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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