Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
