Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
