So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
