Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
