why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
