After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
