I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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