i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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