i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
