I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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