Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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