I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
