there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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