she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
tell me about the eggs
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