yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
