guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
