what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
