and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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