whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
