maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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