yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
