New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he shaved USA in his pubs
well you can't waste a boner
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
