Michael Bay diarrhea
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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