My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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