i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
