Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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