you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
