What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
