dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
