Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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