Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
