Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you never un-have a 4some
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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