i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
