So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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