how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize