is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
