You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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