she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
