all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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