i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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