I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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