I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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