My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
