She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
