I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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