Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
