I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
