Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
