Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize