Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think a kid would responsible me up
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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