I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
