I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
