I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ladies don't puke and tell
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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