so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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