Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
