He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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