I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
