Nicole vs. Life
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
