My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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