he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
