He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
