reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
